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5:03 p.m. - Wednesday, Feb. 19, 2014
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"The bourgeois seeks balance. By nature they are a creature of weak impulses, anxious, fearful of giving themselves away, easy to rule."

How do I not surrender to ascetism or lusts, a martyr to one or the other to my own destruction?
how do I stay real? how do I limit fear? Since birth the attempt has been continuous to condition me to fit in to this or that way of thinking of being...I don't want to lose myself in fitting in nor do I want to lose myself in railing against whatever society I find myself in. I just want to find the inner me and live from that point. The middle class search for balance between too good or too bad and heap on their rules. how do I escape from all my conditioning or do I? can I look at opposites and not be pulled in any direction, at multiple opposites?

so, I stop and just look, see my thoughts and not be pulled by them and attempt to let what is before me speak however long that takes.

am I still caught? Yes, but I'm better. I can enter in, engage, and bracket what previously held me more and more as time goes on.

 

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