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- In cpe I had a number of lengthy papers including theory of personality, autobiography, theory of ministry or service etc. I had worked hard for over two years writing and re writing and accomplished much. I had grown but my final papers and meeting with the group who had the authority to move me forward caused distress and I thought my work never good enough, in spite of assurances from supervisors, Instead of turning inward and making the work my own, I further hit the books adding more and more detail from others. Instead of perfecting it, my striving for perfection made it ridiculous. It was now all other's words,I was almost gone from it, no integration or little of self was seen in the papers. My fear of failing cut me down and I was embarrassed in my meeting. I was absurd. My proscription was to learn to fail, to be imperfect and become comfortable with it, finally allowing myself to become real, accept my growth and own it. By failing, not knowing, learning, being everything to everyone, I learned self confidence but it took time and it was no easy to fail.
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